I was chatting with some friends the other day. Also single mums. Also trying to navigate 21-st Century dating with tiny stage-5 clingers. We got on to the topic of ‘dropping the baby bomb’ on an unsuspecting semi-interested male. A topic I could not stop thinking about for the next two weeks.
Let me start by prefacing, this is not something I have had to do just yet…I have resting bitch face and am painfully socially awkward so I haven’t engaged in anything with anyone who doesn’t already know about my little girl. But even in this, I’ve found it to be the perfect (unspoken) excuse for a man who kissed you on the way home (and for gods sake, it was a REALLY good kiss) to stop replying to your texts when, at least it seems to me, they realize the gravity of your situation in relation to theirs.
And I get it.
Meeting, getting to know and learning to love a woman is one fickle thing in and of itself…but when that woman has a full-time job and a tiny human they are solely responsible for keeping alive that is not yours…that may come as a bit of a hindrance to a romantic interest…trust me I know, it’s my life!
But that is ok, if that’s the way you feel, you were never going to be ready for this (me/us) anyway…and more to the point, you were never going to be good enough for Maya.
And that’s just it. I am not just dating anyone anymore. Casual flings are no longer a thing. For starters, I don’t have time. I can’t just drop what I’m doing to shave my legs at 9pm for a late-night visit anymore. Not. A. Thing.
If I start dating someone, I need to be a) interested b) attracted c) emotionally connected d) confident they will be good for Maya in whatever capacity they are introduced in.
That is a butt-load to consider, trust me. Considering how much trouble I have had finding someone I haven’t thrown in the ‘friend bucket’ after 2 dates in the past, I am in no position to be choosey.
But I have to be…because it’s not just me anymore.
If and when I do have to ‘drop the baby-bomb’, I will not be ashamed to do so. I have never been one to shy away from an honest conversation and I’d rather see up-front how you handle something like that. Thinking about getting to like someone and then telling them the truth about your life only to watch them revert back to hiding like a 13 year old in their first horror flick I feel would just send me into a ranting-tailspin. I am not ashamed of my little girl, she is my proudest achievement and the biggest joy in my life. She is also my number one priority.
So for me, it doesn’t so much feel like dropping a bomb because in my world, she is my world. She is not a burden nor a hindrance, she is the best thing in my life. And I 100% get someone else may not see it that way and that is fine, take your bat and ball son, you were never going to work.