Real Talk

It is a blessing and a curse…

And in the end, we are all just humans, drunk on the idea that love…only love could heal our brokenness- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Maybe it’s the excessive amount of Dallas Greene I have been listening to lately…or the Mark Manson book I am engulfed in, but I have found myself thinking a lot about love lately…

I have said this many times before, but having my beautiful Maya has opened my eyes to the meaning of true love…everything she does is magic, I hang on to every word she says (even if she only knows three), I get the urge to give her a kiss 20 567 times a day and I would say I love you, baby girl until the words wore out… and I would literally take a bullet for her. Now obviously this is an entirely different level to love of the romantic kind…but to me, that is what love, in and of itself, is. That is unconditional, forever love.

Sure, we aren’t 100% happy all day every day, but we are happy every day.

That is love.

Briefly back to Dallas…I have listened to City & Colour religiously for a number of years now and they have always resonated with me in a really profound way and I have just clicked as to why….he describes love exactly the way I feel it.
Wildly, Honestly, Truly and unimaginably deeply. (Cue the Savage Garden Soundtrack!)

** if you haven’t already, do yourself a favour and listen to ‘The Girl’ and ‘Northern Wind’**
These are the most accurate representation of my idea of love conveniently parcelled in to two beautiful songs!

I digress.

I am absolutely drunk on the idea of true love. So much so, that looking back, I feel a little like I have given my heart too soon, to anyone who would take it… and wonder why I have stumbled in to half-love situations more than once… both on their part and mine…I for one, was so concerned about the notion of forever that I forgot who it was I was entering in to it with and a ways in, realised I wasn’t in love at all.

‘It is a both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply’

Ben Harper once said, ‘Forever always seems to be around when it begins, but forever never seems to be around when it ends’. This accurately sums up my experiences in love thus far… Im very good at the beginning…the forever, I haven’t yet succeeded at.

I don’t believe there is one person in the world for everyone and it is your life’s purpose to find them. What I do believe is there are hundreds of people you could spend your life with and each would turn it out a different way. What I am perpetually terrified of, is realising at the end of the road that something was missing because I raced in and married the first person who asked…(well, second actually…but that is a story for another time…)

Adventure means something to me. The freedom for both of you to be exactly who you are unabashedly and be loved in spite of it means something to me. Giving another person my good days and bad and taking theirs in return means something to me. An easy silence in the arms of someone you share a deep, connection and adoration for means something to me. Mutual respect and care for each others feeling means something to me. Making someone happy means something to me. Being happy means something to be. And I will love my daughter in this way and maybe someday, love a man again in this way too.

So call it Trump’s Great Mexican Wall if you will, but maybe next time, I will take things a little slower.

Talk a little more and make sure this persons values and mine are similar.

Not overlook a myriad of inherrent red flags in the hope they will go away…because spoiler alert : they don’t.

Remember that a person will do exactly what they want to do and you get no say in that. If someone wants to see you, they will go to the ends of the earth to make sure they get just 5 mins alone with you…and by the same token, you will do the same.

And I will be damn sure before I give them my heart, because my heart is shared with my little love now…and that means the world to me.

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