I overheard a guy chatting to his mate in a cafe the other day.
I was alone, Maya was off with her dad and I wasn’t screaming ‘single mother’ at this point.
Guy A was yacking Guy B’s ear off about ‘a new bird he’s been seein’ “. Guy B was clearly married AF and trying to encourage Guy A’s relationship status.
Guy A proceeded to explain that the woman he was dating and ‘pretty into’ was a single mother…
Good on ya bud, I’m thinking to myself…empathising with her situation and how bloody hard dating with a child is… This fleeting thought was, almost as soon as it was conceived, upturned.
Guy A went on to voice his concerns about his single-mum squeeze ‘looking for a meal-ticket’ and a ‘replacement dad’ for her kid and how he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. “I like her, don’t get me wrong, but I like my money too’
This got me thinking, is this what people I have dated think? That I’m after their money? a replacement dad for Maya?
Let’s get one thing straight…
I for one have gone back to work far earlier than most mothers in nuclear situations because I want my daughter to see that you do not need a man to provide for you.
Repeat after me, I DO NOT NEED A MAN TO PROVIDE FOR ME.
Everything I own, I have paid for myself. My parents never bought me a car or handed me a trust fund, I did it all on my own. No boyfriend of mine has ever paid for our home or way of life, I have always paid my own way. Every ounce of my savings has been earned working in my job. And I am damn proud of that.
This year, I am hoping to buy a house for my little girl and I…and I can tell you, I won’t be getting any help from anyone there either…because I can’t wait to turn around and I know that I did it all on my own. I didn’t stay in a rubbish relationship just so he would buy us a house. I left and I got my house anyway.
And as for a replacement dad, she does not need one. She has a dad, fool. That is ridiculous. What she would need is that anyone dating her mother to know that we are a package deal and you can’t love one without the other. That is all.
Now I know “Gold Digger’ isn’t a term stemmed from nowhere. I know there are women out there who do look for money in a man. Clearly. Why the fuck else would you marry Donald Trump?
But I can guarantee you, most women just want a nice guy in their lives that makes them laugh. You could be the brokest motherfucker in town, but if you can make us laugh, listen to us whinge and have our backs, most of us won’t care.
So, Guy A, you know this girl better than I do (clearly)…but think about this…
She had a life before you. She paid her own bills, entertained herself and kept her own house. She got by just fine…and she will get by just fine after you’ve gone.
Yes, dating a single mum is a bigger commitment that a 21 year old university student with little more to concern herself with than where her next goon sack is coming from… That is a given…and it takes a certain kind of guy. One you clearly are not.
So please, do her a favour. Don’t string her along thinking you are a ‘real nice guy’ when you’re concerns (at least those you voiced today) are that of a little boy, looking for an excuse to leave a woman he was trying to love like she is a little girl. Let her go find a man who’s mind is broader than the few 00’s in his bank account. Let her go find someone who doesn’t see a difficulty in the situation, just the love in it.
You’re money is safe with you.